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Monday, May 18, 2015

100WC

                                100WC
"But the ferocious wind"

 "Hey do you want to go hiking?" texted a friend to Emma "yip:)".
1 hour later they got to the mountains. Half way up it started to get really windy. The wind didn't stop but the ferocious wind kept coming. Rocks started to fall, the wind got stronger Emma got to the top then full because of the wind her friend was devastated.  
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7 comments:

  1. AnonymousMay 18, 2015 at 10:45 AM

    Hey Paige
    I loved your story but next time add a bit more punctuation
    Taumarunui
    Turaki primary school

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. AnonymousMay 18, 2015 at 11:37 AM

      Thanks Mikayla,
      I know for next time:)

      Delete
  2. UnknownMay 18, 2015 at 7:18 PM

    You've used some interesting vocab Paige, like 'devastated'. I agree with Mikayla about the punctuation - remember to get a buddy to edit it too! :)

    ReplyDelete
  3. msokeeffeMay 22, 2015 at 9:38 PM

    Hi Paige
    First of all I have to say I really like your blog and its appearance. It really impressed me when I opened it up. I love how you have your name across the page. Your 100 word challenge is great also and I especially like how you started it with speech and brought it right up to date by using texted. You've left me with lots of questions which is always a good thing in a piece of writing. I'm wondering how bad was the fall, how did you get off the mountain, did the emergency services have to be called? Definitely great potential for more of this story. Maybe you could do a sequel? Well done and I hope to visit your blog again some day.
    Ms O'Keeffe (team 100wc)
    Ireland

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  4. AnonymousJune 5, 2015 at 3:49 PM

    Hi Paige. This is great story - I can just imagine heading off into the mountains and a ferocious wind getting up. I like the way you started out with the text conversation too. But you do need a bit more punctuation. I find it helps to read the story out loud and think about where you naturally take a breath. That's usually where you need to put a comma or a full stop. Semi-colons are a bit more tricky. Have you learned how to use them yet? I look forward to reading more of your stories.

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  5. UnknownJune 10, 2015 at 9:04 AM

    I am so proud of how far your writing has come. Keep up the hard work because it's paying off and the proof is here to be read :D

    ReplyDelete

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